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FOREVER Our Girl xo

“Closed eyes, heart not beating, but a living love.” ~ Avis Corea

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I wasn’t ready….
I wasn’t ready for you to leave;
So unexpected, so random, your death I cannot believe;
So loyal, so true, NEVER once did you deceive;
You gave us so much encouragement, wisdom, and love that even with our wild, off the wall goals/dreams, you were certain we would achieve;
Our days & nights since May 17th no one could begin to imagine the heaviness from your void, no one can ever conceive;
No goodbye’s, except to KD the last and the youngest to hear your voice, unknowingly, she too bereave;
Head held high, business as usual no use in us wearing our feelings on our sleeve;
Our hearts are broken & wounded, thus in private we grieve;
Many, many tiring & exhausting hats you proudly wore in our lives ~
Aunt, Godmother, Grandmother, Caretaker, Best-Friend, Confidante, Teacher, Nurturer, Babysitter, Chef, Chauffeur anything less than perfection or from a non-genuine place was your pet peeve;
Since you’ve been gone we’ve been forced to grow up and grow up fast in ways we never knew;
You spoiled us and yet independently matured us to not be consumed or bothered by the world’s view

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Damned if you, damned if you don’t you’d say so put your big girl panties on and get ready for your breakthrough;
You’d say, a delay is not a denial and that God’s timing is perfect so no fear you know he will come through;
A million times I have reached for my phone to call or text you;
An overwhelming cloud of emptiness & loneliness ensue;
All I can do is shake my head, pat my heart, wipe the tears and push for another day to get through;
Gave your first and last and didn’t keep tabs to bring up for review;
Going to the house is so hard, your absence is obvious and my mind & heart cannot come to terms that this new norm is true;
I don’t remember a time when you weren’t there for me as my aunt, nanny, and bonus mother along the way;
If the hustle & bustle of the day got the best of us, we could expect a “let me hear from you, need to hear your voice” text around midday;
You cared, you supported, you guided, you prayed for, and you genuinely loved as a parent on any given day;
Your babies are heading to college in the fall for that I know you did pray;
It is said death leaves a heartache no one can heal and love leaves a memory no one can steal, hope its not just hearsay;
You not being here now when you were by my side when I lost my Mom, Dad & Wood, you never prepared us for the days you would no longer be here, we’re in a bit of mental doomsday;
I love you every day and EVERY DAY I will miss you girl, I just wasn’t ready….

Happy Birthday Nanny!

godmother

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©TDurden2018

Comments

  1. Anonymous

    Beautiful birthday tribute. Surround yourself with supportive friends/family to help you during this difficult time, I know its a great adjustment in your normal routine of having Ms Joyce there for you & with you. God is faithful to those that trust him. Yall in my prayers Red

  2. Tee

    Beautiful Poem!!! Love some of her sayings…delay is not a denial!!!

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